1. How did this one freckled redhead with thick black eyebrows and a sweater vest get every babe in Riverdale?
2. Seriously, what was this checkered part of Archie’s hair even supposed to be?
Note the green polka-dot bow tie.
3. How did he have so much game that he even got with non-Riverdale hottie Cheryl Blossom?
4. Where did he get the funds to take aforementioned babes out on an endless string of dates?
Only so many shifts a kid can work at Pop Tate’s.
5. Did Archie ever get past first base or was he just the king of the make out-fake out?
6. Why did Betty put up with Archie’s heartless mind games?
7. Was hanging out at the Lodge pool really worth a trampled heart?
8. Anyway, how were Betty and Veronica “best friends” while fighting over Archie all the time?
9. And if Veronica was so outrageously rich, why did she go to Riverdale High with all the normies?
10. What, exactly, did Lodge Industries do to make so much dough?
Seems like a Koch Brothers-style conglomerate…
11. Why did Big Ethel let people call her Big Ethel to her face?
Hang in there, Big Ethel.
12. Why wasn’t anyone concerned about Moose’s disturbingly domineering relationship with Midge?
13. How did Jughead eat so many hamburgers and maintain that slim, slim figure?
Glad he never ate his dog, Hot Dog.
14. And why did he despise and fear women so much?
15. Did the Bee and Miss Grundy ever take it to a less platonic level?
How about Grundy and ol’ Flutesnoot?
18. Where did Dilton Doiley end up going to college?
Dilton Doiley should be running the country.